Dive in with me today as I explore the intersection of love and menstrual cycles, in maybe what's my favourite ep to date! In this episode, I discuss my recent experiences in a new, committed relationship and how we've navigated conversations about menstruation, fertility awareness, and hormonal health. I give you the behind-the-scenes of 3 key discussions I had with my partner: the importance of menstrual cycles, practical needs during menstruation, and the fertility awareness method as a means of contraception. In classic Karinda fashion, I also share some candid advice on dating and embracing full self-expression from the get-go. Packed with personal anecdotes, practical tips, and a healthy splash of humour (always), this episode is all about embracing our cyclical nature and fostering open, honest dialogue in relationships. Tune in and you might just feel a zap of inspiration to have these important conversations in your own life!

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

01:41 Cycle Check-In and Ovulation Insights

03:45 Exploring Love and Menstrual Cycles

05:10 Context of a New Relationship

09:16 Dating and Self-Expression

16:30 Challenging Beliefs About Men

19:17 Navigating Menstrual Cycles in Relationships

23:07 First Key Conversation: Menstrual Cycles

30:45 Second Key Conversation: Menstruation

32:34 Embracing the Menstrual Phase

34:25 Communicating Menstrual Needs

35:02 Understanding the Menstrual Cycle

42:41 On Receiving, Putting Yourself Out There and Being Willing to Feel Everything

47:42 The Importance of Fertility Awareness

48:54 Third Key Conversation: Fertility Awareness Method of Contraception

56:38 Sharing Joy and Gratitude

59:34 Conclusion and Resources

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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] I, this is actually a joke. I, I thought like I just put on like a bit of makeup and I'm feeling it on my face, and I'm like, why? Why did I even put on makeup and then I saw myself, I'm like, "who is she?" So if you can't tell, I'm ovulating. No, I'm not. No, I'm not ovulating. I'm, I'm approaching ovulation.

[00:00:24] I'm definitely close to that point in my cycle. And before we get into that, welcome to another episode of, Oh My Menses. How are you? Welcome back. Thank you for choosing to tap on me, click on me, however you found me. If you are a return customer, if you're a repeat visitor and you like what I put out there, please consider following or subscribing wherever you are watching or listening,

[00:00:48] if you haven't already. If you are feeling extra generous, I would absolutely love if you left me a review, or a comment. And even if you just messaged me, sent me an email, links for that [00:01:00] below to just say, "Hey, listened to this episode. Loved it. Here's something I'd like to hear you talk about." Like, I can't tell you how much that means to me.

[00:01:11] This episode is going to be very fun for me. I'm not sure how you guys are gonna like it, but it's gonna be fun for me 'cause I get to talk about one of my maybe most favorite things ever, which is love and being, being in love. And, um, you guessed it, relating that experience to the menstrual cycle.

[00:01:41] So, cycle check in. I believe today I am on like smack bang on the, the textbook, you know, mid cycle, day 14. But because we are wise and body literate here at Oh My Menses, we know that that does not necessarily correlate to the day of ovulation. We know that ovulation is not [00:02:00] a fixed point in the cycle. We know that we can't predict it.

[00:02:04] We know that we can only confirm it in hindsight, and we can only get clues as to whether our body is attempting to ovulate. My body is showing me those little, uh, clues, um, through my cervical fluid, through my energy, through my libido, my mood. I'm like, oh yeah, I'm, I'm on the upswing. Side note. It's also a full moon, full moon in Aries today.

[00:02:27] Oh. And I really like it when my ovulatory energy kind of like correlates with the full moon. That's gonna be a whole other episode, by the way. I wanna talk about how the lunar cycle can kind of transpose over our menstrual cycle and how that changes our cyclical experience. Anyway, side note. So if you're listening and you have a menstrual cycle, I invite you to do what I just did and have a feel for where you are currently at in your own cycle.

[00:02:54] If you're not currently menstruating. If you don't have a menstrual cycle at the moment, you are invited to just check in with where [00:03:00] you are at in the phase of your life. What era of your life are you in? Maybe you're pregnant, maybe you're postpartum, breastfeeding. Maybe you're perimenopausal, menopausal.

[00:03:11] And if you're feeling a little bit lost, I really do invite you to look to the moon, see where the moon is at, when you're currently listening to this and see if you can like, feel that energy as well. You know, if it's closer to a new moon, are you feeling more of that like subtle, fresh, clear energy? If it's closer to a full moon, if it's like a waxing moon, are you feeling a building up?

[00:03:32] Are you feeling a creative surge? These are all beautiful subtle cues from nature that you can tune into literally at any point. And it's just beautiful as a reference point to reflect on how you are feeling. So okay, today, yes, I'm talking about love. Yes, I'm talking about being in a, a new relationship.

[00:03:53] But specifically I'm gonna share with you three very important conversations that I had [00:04:00] with this man about menstrual cycles. And I wanna share this because it is like amazing and interesting again, hopefully not just to me. I, I think, I think some of you guys will be, will be keen. But also as like an example of what that conversation gets to look like in your own experience, whether it's with a current partner or a new partner, or people that you're dating, people that you're seeing, people that you're relating with, even with friends or family members.

[00:04:28] I wanna offer my words as a kind of like template, as kind of just things that you could play around with, and see how they could apply to your own life. Because talking about periods is important and yes, it might be uncomfortable or weird. If you're not used to talking about it, it can feel like a really big, like, overwhelming thing.

[00:04:48] And then there's the pressure of like, "am I gonna get rejected?" Like, "how is it gonna be received?" So let's, let's go through all that today. Let's, let's go through a real life example of what it gets to look like. And maybe [00:05:00] you can have your own beautiful experiences with beautiful men and partners who are fully accepting of your cyclical self and are just curious and wanna learn more.

[00:05:10] So, uh, I wanna start with context. Uh, 'cause context is important. So the context is, uh, and some of you already know this from like my Karinda's Corner emails or Instagram. I'm in a relatively new relationship and I would also describe that as a very serious and very committed relationship. I am feeling incredibly lucky, as is he, and,

[00:05:40] I mean, it, it, it feels, it feels surreal almost because a lot of my conversations with you this year have been about being single and the medicine in being single, but also the struggle in being single and how that has influenced my cyclical experience and my hormonal experience. And I [00:06:00] did a whole episode on dating and ovulating, and that was a wild ride, and that was back in March.

[00:06:07] And I'm recording this in October now for context. So yeah, that's the context. I'm in a relationship and my God, I am, I am so happy to be not just in a relationship, like in this specific relationship. And I am so excited to channel all that lovey Karinda energy that you guys are like familiar with,

[00:06:28] especially if you've witnessed any of my yearning, any of my longing. I, I'm so excited to channel that into a beautiful person. To get my, to get to share my own beauty with another human and build something together. I'm very, very excited for that, and I'm sure more will be revealed, as as time goes on.

[00:06:48] Now, another important part of context is that because this man is just the absolute best, I have been sharing with him like words from past newsletters. Like I, I did [00:07:00] one only a couple of months, no, a a couple of weeks before I met him, where I was like, " guys, sometimes ovulation is hard, especially when you're single because you are ovulating and you don't want to be single."

[00:07:14] And I wrote some words about, you know, thinking about the person who was in the hopefully not too distant future, who would be able to experience me ovulating, you know, uh, hopefully not too long from the time of writing. And yeah, sure enough, two weeks later, met him.

[00:07:29] So I've been sharing these words with him and he's so receptive and he, he actually asked me, like, 'cause I was just honest, I'm like, yeah, like I do share personal things like with my community, through emails and sometimes on Instagram. And he said, "do you think that your, the things that you share with your community is gonna change now that you're in a relationship?"

[00:07:49] And I said, "yeah, like, like, I think so, and I kind of hope so because I, like, I didn't want my, what I was sharing to just [00:08:00] be all encompassing of like my singleness. And equally, I don't want it to always be all encompassing of like my lack of singleness, like being in a relationship." But I do like to draw on my real life in real time to

[00:08:15] share insights with you guys and, you know, weave my naturopathy in with like, what's going on for me, and weave my cyclical experience with what might be happening for you and what might resonate and be and feel relevant for you. And I said, I, I was like, "I mean, yeah, it would be a conversation, but there will be things that Yeah,

[00:08:34] that I would, that I would love to share with my audience." And he was just like, "yeah, like you have my full permission to like, share things." I mean, yeah, like he wants to be anonymous, like, because again, 'cause he's the best, he's not really on social media and I just absolutely love that. It's so refreshing.

[00:08:49] So he is like, "yeah, like, don't identify me, but yeah, you can like talk about like anything." And I'm like, "cool, thanks. That'll be great." 'Cause I was thinking of writing an email about what I'm gonna [00:09:00] talk about, about these conversations we've had, but I thought, uh, I'll hold off. And then he brought it up himself and gave me permission to talk about it.

[00:09:07] So Thank you. So that is the context on where I'm at and consent. And I wanna, I do, do, I do, do, I do do, I do, do, do want to do a quick side note about dating because, and I think especially because I have recorded an episode about my dating experience and like how I was specifically like, struggling with it.

[00:09:37] And now in hindsight, like if you go back to that episode, I think it was episode 15, it's called Dating and Ovulating. You can easily find it. You know, a lot of that was coming, it was driven by a kind of manic energy. It was driven by a kind of impulsivity. I was exploring really new territory for me.

[00:09:55] Like it, again, I'm sure I mentioned it in the episode, that like dating, casual dating, hooking [00:10:00] up. It's just not, not really in my system. I, I don't really understand it. It, I, I kind of wanted to do it, but even then I didn't have like the muscle memory for it. Like I was, I was exploring new territory for like the, you know, absolute first time.

[00:10:15] At the time, it was exciting to share, but in hindsight I can see that, yeah, it was, it was impulsive and it was coming from a manic place, and there was like hypersexual energy behind it. And when I've been telling family and friends about my experience with dating this current man, who I did meet online, people are just like, "do you, like you hit the jackpot.

[00:10:38] Like this is not, this is not what often happens with like, online dating experiences" and people are a bit shocked. And so I just, you know, recording that episode back in March, I was like, "Hey, I've been dating for a month and here's what I wanna say, but by no means do I have a lot of dating experience" and now I still don't have a lot of dating experience.

[00:10:58] The man that I am with [00:11:00] is the third person that I met online from online dating; third time's a charm. So I still don't have a lot of experience, but what I can tell you, and like this goes out to like past Karinda, who was like struggling and I love you so much, and this equally goes out to any people that I know.

[00:11:21] Like if I know you personally and you're listening to this, or if you're just a, a beautiful listener, a beautiful member of my community, and you are in that, in the throes of like being single, but at that stage of like longing and like, oh God, you know, just really wanting that like partner who's right for you.

[00:11:40] My advice is, lean in with full self-expression from the beginning. My first message to this man referenced breastfeeding. [00:12:00] My online dating profile was me. It was not to impress anyone. It was a little bit like, it was a little bit cringe. I showed a lot of different aspects of myself, but I was like straight up.

[00:12:14] That helps you get to know someone faster, and that helps others get to know you faster. Do not waste any time covering yourself, censoring yourself. Don't waste any time, if you're longing for a long-term relationship and like a good, stable partner. Don't waste time in the superficial waters. Don't waste time in the shallow end of the pool.

[00:12:40] Go deep, go. You lead with your heart forward. If he can receive that, that is like the best green flag and the clearest green flag you'll ever get without having to like, take heaps of time to like really f you know, you don't, it, it to me, seeing how most people date and [00:13:00] hearing stories of how most people date, it's, it's like superficial, superficial, superficial.

[00:13:04] Oh, okay. And now I'm starting to get to know the person more leading, like just fully forward with your heart and seeing how you are met and received in that. Seeing how it's received and seeing how it's responded to. Right. Like the reciprocity is so telling, and I went in with the idea. I went into this, my first conversation with this person and into dating at that stage.

[00:13:32] 'cause I, I got, after I recorded that episode for you guys, I got off dating for, I was off the apps for ages, got back on, got back on with the intention that I was gonna do it differently, and was interacting with the app very differently. What's the point in holding yourself back if there is a full, if there's a full expressed version of yourself that's the version of yourself that you want to be accepted for and seen in.[00:14:00]

[00:14:01] Don't waste time trying to conform to any ideas of what you think might be desirable. It might feel like a shortcut. I don't know. You might feel like you're gaining something in the short term. And it might sound so cliche, be fully yourself. And don't just be thinking, is this guy gonna like me? Um, am I right for this person?

[00:14:26] You be thinking, is this guy right for me? Does this guy fit well into my life? Don't like, leave the energy of being chosen, not even at home. Leave it in the fucking ditch. Like none of that. None of that. And I needed to face a lot of stuff before I could be at this point where I could have beautiful, heart-centered conversations immediately to facilitate a co a, a really deep, strong connection,

[00:14:55] again, really quickly, I, I, I had to face a lot. I had to acknowledge like, [00:15:00] "oh wow, I've got some patterns in relationships and they're not serving me. And oh gee, this whole seeking and longing and, Hmm, where's the balance between like, desperation and just genuine like desire and wanting to tune into what I want to create for myself and what I wanna receive out of this life, um, as well as what I want to give to this life."

[00:15:18] And, and I really had to come to terms with holy shit. I, I was just fully in a pattern of like, wanting to feel chosen and that was leading me like, I'm so, I don't know. You guys know I'm so me, even I'm recording content that I put out to the public on the internet. And the biggest feedback I get from my friends who know me in, in real life, you know, outside of the digital world, they're like, "oh my God.

[00:15:45] Like, you're just so you." And I'm like, yeah, so I, so yes, I am pretty, I am pretty me. What you see is what you get. And even I was under this spell of like, "oh, will someone [00:16:00] pick me?" And then that just, that belief was subtly, subtly, but, but at all changing my behavior and my interactions with, with men that I was like pursuing.

[00:16:13] And that's just not the vibe. So, yeah. And like maybe listening to me, you can recognize that pattern in yourself. So that's something I had to get real about, uh, before I could pave the way to invite this beautiful energy into my life. A second note on dating that I think really speaks to the current culture and like the way things are.

[00:16:38] And like, I I, I'm gonna try to keep this really succinct. There are a lot of people in my life who, when talking about or referencing men, will really frankly be like, "Ugh, men are the worst. Aren't men just the worst?" And maybe I've ever said that. I don't know that I have. But maybe I've ever said that, or maybe I've ever believed that.

[00:16:58] And it was this [00:17:00] year that I actually started like stopping people, if they were, especially if I was talking about like my dating experiences or what I wanted, and people used that as a opportunity to complain about men, I would stop them because I would say like, "yes, I know men like any human being. Can do awful things."

[00:17:26] And, and I know there's an energy behind, I know there's a cultural energy behind, like the culture of men and the culture of masculinity that we're all feeling a bit ick about. And side note, a culture of masculinity that also isn't serving men. It's not serving anyone. So I can acknowledge that that's the over culture that's like informing these individual narratives of like people in my life, people who I'm close with and respect.

[00:17:54] But I had to say, "I understand that. I see what you [00:18:00] see. I really do, but I want to end up with a good man. And so I need to believe that good men exist and I needed to look for the evidence that good men exist and I needed to stop, pause, transform the narrative, throw it out." I needed to transform my inner narrative about men just being bad, men just being dangerous,

[00:18:25] men just being scary. Because if I lived that way, how was I ever going to find the kind of man that I was actually desiring if I truly believed that good men didn't exist? And it's also just, it's also just like actually impossible, like of like, of course, of course good men exist. And if that feels like a stretch, but you want to end up with a good man, invitation is also there to do what I did and, and get real clear with your beliefs and see what changes.

[00:18:56] See what changes for you when you start to challenge those beliefs. And when you [00:19:00] just, just experiment, like low stakes experiment with exploring that narrative and changing that narrative and, and see what happens. So context consent, side notes, caveats there they are. Dating a man throughout the menstrual cycle.

[00:19:19] Now, especially because I did that blog, uh, that mega blog post about like all of my relationship history and correlating that with all my menstrual cycle data. I like that the unfolding of this relationship that I'm in, kind of followed that pattern. We started talking when I feel like I was on like day three or four of my cycle.

[00:19:41] So it was like the start of a new cycle. It was the first day of spring because, because the universe is just perfect. So I loved that. I loved that symbolism. I think by the time, like we spoke for a couple of weeks, I think by the time I met him, I was just a few days out from ovulation, [00:20:00] which was really exciting.

[00:20:01] And then kept getting to know him in a more like deeper steadier way, as I sort of entered my premenstrual phase, which does allow for that deeper kind of feeling, rather than just, you know, the, the very ovulatory, you know, physical magnetism kind of, kind of aspect of things. So that's been interesting to like, go through this process throughout a whole menstrual cycle and, and see where things change and, and the rule that I had in my head, because I started talking to him, close to my period.

[00:20:35] And something that I've done with a lot of decisions in my life. I'm like, "okay, just wait for at least one whole cycle. Wait until like after you bleed, before, like making any like strong frank decisions." I had a pretty good feeling all the way through. And you'll, you'll see that and you'll hear that from the conversations that I'm gonna share with you.

[00:20:55] But I still kept that kind of boundary in mind of like, "you could feel [00:21:00] differently after you get your period." Remember that your period is the time where your sex hormones are at their lowest naturally. And so your sex hormones also act as like what we would call neuro steroids. They have a huge impact on your brain.

[00:21:17] There are so many sex hormone receptors in that little noggin of yours and hormones can change how we think, what we are feeling, our mood, our emotions, our cognition, our memory, our desire, our behaviors. They influence literally everything. So I love menstruation as a time of like,

[00:21:42] quiet. That like hormonal, like mental chat gets real quiet, if you allow yourself to like be receptive to it and tune in. And you get access to a different [00:22:00] level of knowing, a different level of intuition, a different level of desire. You can like take stock of like your whole life.

[00:22:08] But I was gonna say, you can take stock of your last menstrual cycle and really tune into like what felt true for you. Like what things happened in your life, maybe there were circumstances or conversations that you can like sort of look on in that menstrual phase and go, "oh, hang on. No I didn't. No, I didn't feel good about that.

[00:22:25] That wasn't congruent." Or "I can see how I was people pleasing there." Or "I can see how I was being led by impulsivity or lack of boundaries." Menstruation will offer you a unique lens on seeing things as true for you or not, if that makes sense. See it as you get access to a deeper kind of intuition. I'm rambling so, so I did that.

[00:22:51] So I was like, everything was like feeling really, really good, but I'm like, "I'm gonna wait for my period, gonna wait for my period." And then I had my first period and I was just like, "yeah, my feelings are the [00:23:00] same and everything still feels resonant and good." So there are three key conversations that I had with this man.

[00:23:07] The earliest one was very early on into our talking, uh, digitally. And that first conversation was about just acknowledging how important menstrual cycles are to me and kind of sussing where he was at with that. The second conversation was specifically around menstruation.

[00:23:30] And I did it, I think I was on day one or two, and I was just like, "Hey, here's what happens when I bleed. Here are my needs and here's the vibe." And then the third conversation was all about the fertility awareness method. "Hey, here's this thing called the fertility awareness method. Do you trust me?

[00:23:53] Here's, here's the fertile window in any given menstrual cycle." So I'm gonna, I'll get in depth, um, but I'll, let's, [00:24:00] let's dive into that first conversation and I'll be able to tell you, what day it was on of us knowing each other.

[00:24:06] So it started, this is, oh, what day is this?

[00:24:11] Okay. Yeah, I thought so. So this started on the second day of us talking.

[00:24:19] Okay, so this, so this is great. Again, I was like leading with my full self early on. Second day of us talking, he asks me, he's curious about my work. 'cause he's never heard of a naturopath before. "What is it?" And so I tell him about naturopathy and that's how I weave the menstrual cycle into our first conversation.

[00:24:38] And I'm just gonna fully, I'm just gonna fully quote myself. "So a naturopath can refer to a few different things depending on the country you're in. In Australia, I have a Bachelor of Health science degree, majoring in naturopathy, but in North America or Europe, it's a full on medical degree, but pretty much I work with patients on their health.

[00:24:57] The principles of naturopathy allow us to support any [00:25:00] kind of symptom or disease state, really, using all sorts of natural medicine, be it herbs, nutritional supplementation, lifestyle medicine, food as medicine slash diet. And there's aspects of counseling too. Lots of tools at our disposal, but the overall goal is to treat the root cause of disease rather than just suppress symptoms.

[00:25:18] My practice is focused on supporting all things female health, fertility, and hormones. A good weird thing to know about me at this stage is that the menstrual cycle is a huge passion of mine, sweat, laughy face, which wasn't necessary, and makes up a big part of my spiritual practice. I spend a lot of time creating podcasts, courses, and resources on the topic to help my patients too.

[00:25:41] So many common problems for women stem from the disconnect we have from our cyclical nature and the taboo around menstruation. So a big part of my calling is to help restore that embodiment of our innate cyclicity and support women in reclaiming and accepting that part of themselves."

[00:25:58] Then I say, "so [00:26:00] that's a lot, and I'm curious to know how that all lands for you." He is very excited by the idea of what naturopathy is. And he says, "naturopathy sounds like what we've been doing for millennia. Basically what medicine was before, a bunch of stiff elite doctors stole the term and made it pills and invasive surgery.

[00:26:18] I like it." Uh, and then he acknowledges that he doesn't know much about menstrual cycles, but he knows that hormones have a huge impact on the body and can cause some wild changes. He is knowledgeable enough about his own hormones and tells me a little bit about that. And then he says, "I'd like to know more about the cycles, though.

[00:26:38] I think we are just a cyclic with the seasons and it doesn't make sense that we would be static in ever changing environments. I'm also interested to hear the spiritual component too. Is it possible for spiritualism and scientific medical study to coexist in the same field?" And at that point I was just like.

[00:26:55] You know, so again, context for all the dating caveats that I shared, like this is two [00:27:00] days in. This is two days in, and this is how clear I am being about who I am and what is a big, important part of my life. And I invite you to do the same in your own dating experiences and even in just in conversations with, with partners that you already have, or relationships that you're already in or that are unfolding for you.

[00:27:17] Be real and forward about who you are. If they can't accept that, if they are not curious about that, if they cannot receive that with an open-minded, an open heart, that is useful information for you. It doesn't mean that there is something wrong and unlovable about you. It's useful information about whether this person is right for you or not.

[00:27:42] So there's another Karinda on her dating high horse hack. So you could imagine me being me, that was like an absolute green flag. Him admitting that he didn't know much about it, but the genuine curiosity to learn [00:28:00] more and like, even without knowing much about menstrual cycles specifically, could already acknowledge that yeah, we have seasons that change.

[00:28:09] Why would humans remain static when we live in a landscape that has these, all these changing environments and, and this fluctuating ecosystem? And I was just like, yes, you are absolutely right. Why would we stay the same? And then that was a great segue into yeah, being able to share more about it.

[00:28:30] But I, I didn't overload him. I sort of thought, hang on. We're gonna keep getting to know each other. I'm happy to like weave it into, as I'm experiencing my own cycle, I can weave in like little tidbits of what I'm experiencing and examples of, of how that all works. And yeah, after he mentioned like the earth seasons, I was like, "yeah, there were four phases of menstrual cycle.

[00:28:51] Menstrual cycle, and they actually correlate with the four seasons of the earth and the lunar cycle too." So it was, yeah, it was just a great segue.

[00:28:59] The second [00:29:00] conversation that I had was the one about menstruation specifically. So zooming in on that phase, and I feel like, I mean, the whole conversation with a prospective partner is important, but there is something about menstruation that, you know, our landscape changes so much. What we are going through physically is so

[00:29:24] specific and intense and unique and our needs. We just need to be honest with ourselves, that our needs change during that time. Our personality can change during that time, whether that's just from the drop in our sex hormones or whether that's from like having a really intense, uncomfortable physical experience.

[00:29:45] Like there, there are so many factors at play that that will obviously flavor your, your unique experience of the menstrual cycle. And so this felt important to me. So, uh, we were messaging each other throughout the day and I was on day two, um, might have been the [00:30:00] end of day one of my cycle, so I was bleeding and I was just getting to that phase that you've probably heard me describe before where like, you know, maybe like you get, start with a bit of spotting or a bit of a light flow and you're like, "oh, okay, my period's here."

[00:30:14] But then when the flow kind of increases and the heaviness increases, that's where I get the full body, like wanting to drop in, wanting to disconnect socially, wanting to put all my screens and devices away, like that kind of vibe. And so I thought, oh, we've sort of set a standard for like our frequency and pacing of texting.

[00:30:35] That could be different for me during menstruation. I wanna let him know that, but I also want to use this as an opportunity to just like let him know menstruation. So conversation time., I say to him, "Hey, are you open to receive the first of many menstrual cycle related messages slash conversations? I only ask because it's gonna be a chunky message.

[00:30:57] And I feel like that calls for some warning." [00:31:00] Side note here is that, if you ever. I don't know, and maybe this is obvious, but something that I do is like draft out messages. So if there's something that you wanna say but it doesn't currently like, fit the flow of the current conversation, I like to write it out and get an idea o of what it is

[00:31:16] I actually wanna say before, just like impulsively, like sending a message. Also if there's something that is asking for your reply and it's feeling overwhelming or it feels like it's testing one of your boundaries, that's also just like a little tip. I have like, write messages in your notes and like review them and draft them and experiment with saying things in different ways before actually like sending anything.

[00:31:40] You don't have to reply straight away. You don't owe anyone anything. We all need to like chill out with like the pacing of our replies and like not feeling like we need to be on the spot and like just replying fully in real time anyway. Especially for big conversations like these. So I say I wanna talk about the menstrual cycle and good job

[00:31:57] me, I ask if he's open to receive. He might have [00:32:00] been having a stressful or super busy day and, and he might not have been open to receive, but his reply was, "lay it on me. I'm open to learn some big info!"

[00:32:14] Again, just another really, really small example in the absolute ocean of examples that I have of how amazing this man is. I say, "woo. So I've just started my period today a little earlier than expected. The crux of this time for me is to really slow right down, be present with my body, and limit work distractions and stimuli as much as possible, especially on the first day or two.

[00:32:45] I try to limit tech and communication and just spend time doing nothing, outside, painting, listening to traumatic drumming music, and tending to my physical body. This would be the equivalent of the peak of winter seasonally or the new [00:33:00] moon, so a very low energy, darker quieter time. Surrendering to the void at this time helps my energy return fully as I move out of this phase and into the next spring-like phase of my cycle, and also helps me keep my physical symptoms to a minimum.

[00:33:16] Since living like this, I really don't get any period pain. And it supports my hormone health in general, which is a priority for me when I consider fertility in the long run. When I don't honor my cycle like this, it can lead to more stress, fatigue, burnout, frustration, and just feeling like something is out of alignment.

[00:33:33] It varies from cycle to cycle, but it can be a really trippy time. I believe menstruation can induce a natural altered state of consciousness as it's the time when our sex hormones are lowest, and so all that hormonal noise that's usually influencing our brain behaviors, thoughts is lifted and there's a special kind of stillness and access to different parts of the psyche.

[00:33:55] Even now as I'm writing this, I keep stopping to zone out and stare out of the [00:34:00] window. When I fully surrender to it, I often end up with some visions, insights, or meditative experiences. In certain tribes of times past the menstruating women would be sent away to have their monthly vision quest.

[00:34:12] The older menopausal women of the community would tend to them and their children, and once finished, they would return to share their wisdom and insights with the tribe, which would inform communal decisions and planning. Super cool. All that is to say i'm probably not gonna be as present with messaging as I usually am for the next day or two.

[00:34:31] My friends know this as me going into my womb cave, so you'll hear me refer to that. I usually just have my phone away or on airplane mode for most of the day. But you're welcome to message as much or as little as you'd like, even if it feels spammy. I'll always catch up to messages once I'm out of the womb cave, and also, sometimes I'm gifted with more energy, so I may be more present.

[00:34:52] I just play it by ear. I hope that makes sense. My guess is that you'll receive this with a very open mind and curiosity as with everything else we've [00:35:00] discussed. Any and all questions are welcome. I'm excited for you to learn more as you experience me throughout the different phases." So before I go into his reply, let's just sort of like break that down.

[00:35:12] So I had, where it started as like, I felt like I had a need, I at the least, I felt like I had something I wanted to express. I drafted what I wanted to express, and with those messages. I wanted him to know, like the generals of the menstrual phase, like what the template is for that time. It's a darker, quieter time.

[00:35:33] There's a lot of stillness. Sex hormones are lowest. I want to go inwards at that time. It correlates to winter and the new moon. So giving him like some reference points of like what that time could be like in terms of relating it to wider nature. And then I went through what I usually do during that time, and that's where we sort of get into like your personal needs, what, you know, 'cause not every [00:36:00] period is gonna look the same for an individual, let alone for across multiple individuals, right?

[00:36:04] So think about what it is, if you're communicating this to a partner, what is it that you need during that time? How do you feel supported? What does your body crave during that time? What is like the easiest mode to be in during that time? Reflect on that and relay that back, right? And then I think it was also good of me that I discussed a little bit of like, you know, wider history of like, menstruation, you know, from a, a tribal perspective.

[00:36:33] But also talking about like why it's important to me. It's important to me because it allows my natural energy to recover when I'm no longer menstruating. It helps me reduce and manage any physical symptoms that I may get as a result of menstruation. And it helps me support my hormones in the long run, which is important for fertility, which is a priority for me.

[00:36:57] And also, even if you don't wanna fall pregnant, remember that [00:37:00] fertility is an indicator of health. Fertility is important regardless of whether you wanna make babies or not. Keep that in mind. And so why it was important for me, so he understands like where my values are at and what I'm thinking there, but then also to

[00:37:18] talk about what happens if I don't honor these needs, what happens when I don't honor these this time? So that that's also something he can be aware of and also adds, adds, value to why I would wanna honor that time for myself and why I would want him to allow me to honor that time for myself." And I guess also, yeah, just practical expectations.

[00:37:42] And I mean, let's just all get better at communicating practical expectations. Like, "Hey, here's this thing. I call it my womb cave. I'm in it when I'm menstruating. You're not gonna hear from me as much. Oh, you might hear from me even more. 'cause sometimes I get really charged up and energized. But here's what you can [00:38:00] expect.

[00:38:00] Here's what I'm doing with my phone during that time. Here's what I'm doing instead of messaging you or work at that time, I'm just sitting outside having visions, listening to shamanic drumming," you know? Be clear with expectations. And if you don't know, if it's like a first time having this kind of conversation for you, and maybe also you are early on in your journey of living in this like cyclical aligned way, maybe you don't know what an ideal menstrual phase looks like or feels like for you yet. Communicate that, "Hey, I'm letting you know that this is a phase of my menstrual cycle.

[00:38:36] It's just a part of being a female. It, it's just, it is a inherent part of my nature. Here is the typical outline. Here is the typical vibe of the menstrual phase. I'm not sure how I really wanna honor this time for myself. I have some ideas, but I'm not sure what's gonna work best for me. Um, [00:39:00] something I would love to receive from you is openness and curiosity while I explore this

[00:39:07] part of my physiology, while I explore what this time could mean for me. It could look like less communication. It could like needing more support. It could look like wanting more of your company. It could look like wanting less of your company. It could look like feeling more, loved through acts of service and you helping me during this time.

[00:39:27] It could feel like wanting more freedom and just space to zone out and, and do your own thing and be, be in your own cave." Be honest, be honest with where you're at. If you are confused, you're allowed to be confused and you're allowed to communicate that, just like his response, he's allowed to express confusion or want to clarify some things, or he might have more questions for you, you know, like.

[00:39:54] Just be as direct and as honest as you can with anyone. This is [00:40:00] also a kind of conversation that you can have with parents, siblings, roommates, friends, you know, if you have multiple partners, this is a conversation that you could share with like sexual partners as well as romantic partners.

[00:40:14] Maybe, you know, depending on the environment, you might be having a kind of this conversation with your workplace, with your employer, with your colleagues, like.

[00:40:23] Females menstruate. You know, this cycle is gonna happen, and it's gonna happen in a lot of different contexts, and I feel like there's only benefit to be experienced, there's only benefit to be gained from getting better at having these conversations and just practicing them. Even if it feels uncomfortable, it felt uncomfortable.

[00:40:46] I, I felt like I'm me, I'm me. I'm the menstrual cycle queen. As some of you have called me, I'm not calling myself that. I can talk about menstrual cycles for days. I trusted this man. At this point. [00:41:00] I still felt a bit nervous sending that message. I still felt a bit nervous in like how he would receive it.

[00:41:06] "Will I be seen in this? Will I be fully seen and accepted and embraced in this? Can I, will I still be loved in this?" Like, it's okay. Sit through that discomfort. Meet your threshold. Take a step out of that threshold, see what happens. His reply,

[00:41:27] this episode is just, just a long-winded way of me, convincing everyone to love this man as much as I do. Anyway, he says, "that's so fascinating. And I like the term womb cave, caves are traditionally places of deep insight and learning. So the parallel is very accurate. I'll keep messages to a minimum so that you don't have that ping thought in the back of your head that there is something I'm saying or something urgent needs your attention.

[00:41:53] I reckon your altered state will be thankful to be without all the strings of life trying to attach, and I totally [00:42:00] understand times of silence. This is no different to like when we were spaced out by the fire. Nothing needs to be said and I respect that. Let me know when you're up for chats again, otherwise I'll just send a quick one to check in in a few days.

[00:42:13] See you in the new season." And I'm just like, oh my God. He gets it. The relief I felt when I read that message, like, I can't, I can, I can barely, I can barely express. And I just said "thank you so much for understanding. Honestly, it's the best reply and I really appreciate it. See you on the other side."

[00:42:41] You might be amazed at what you can receive when you put yourself out there.

[00:42:51] You might be surprised at what's available to you when you are honest and clear about your [00:43:00] needs and when you are honest and clear about who you are.

[00:43:05] As a person who has ever wasted any amount of time altering myself to thinking that I was suiting another person better, thinking that I was, you know, thinking it's what I had to do to be accepted and to feel loved, as someone who's been in that position. Just don't waste any more time doing that.

[00:43:29] It is just not worth it. And you could be absolutely blown away by who and what is ready for you and your energy as you are in your fullest expression without censoring or dimming or altering.

[00:43:52] Leading up to meeting this person, the question I started asking, [00:44:00] the concept I started being more open to was "universe, show me how good it can get." I dare ya, show me how good it can get. I'll be open to receiving that energy. I'll be open to receiving what you have to offer me. Show me now with everything,

[00:44:24] there's like, there's poles, right? That's one end of the pole. Show me how good it can get. Embracing that as a side note also required me to embrace the yuck, to embrace the really challenging circumstances and emotions and the feelings that I didn't wanna feel and the thoughts that I didn't wanna have.

[00:44:50] Something I'll share 'cause it feels relevant here in to my brain. I can just imagine like the amount of people listening, they're like, "that's not at all relevant." It's relevant to my brain right now, [00:45:00] so I'm saying it. Last year my friend's brother passed away and he, he was a, a real character and he made art.

[00:45:11] And one of the pieces of art that they found, in his room after he passed was, um, something that said, it was just a quote that said, "would you rather feel nothing or would you rather feel everything?" And I have since made art from that quote, and it gets me, gets me a smidge emotional. And from that point last year, that really hit me, especially being like a emotional sensitive,

[00:45:39] feelings based person, I just am. And having had experiences of like feeling bad or guilty for my challenging emotions, for my sadness, for my grief, for times where I felt depressed or really irritable or angry or rageful, especially in the [00:46:00] context of relationships, the amount of like burden I felt feeling those kinds of emotions in front of a partner in, in the context of a partner.

[00:46:09] It was just the bane of my existence. It just felt like this thing of like, "oh, I only I could be free of these emotions." And that quote, "would you rather feel nothing or would you rather feel everything" that just like hit me like a ton of bricks of like, I will always choose to feel everything.

[00:46:33] Rather than nothing. And so in feeling that everythingness expansion of the beauty and the goodness that I get to receive in this lifetime, that the universe, gets to put forward to me in feeling and accepting all of that, I also have to embrace and accept, like the darker, the more challenging, the less [00:47:00] pleasant, the less beautiful.

[00:47:02] But I'm here to accept it all. And I feel like I wouldn't have been open to a good connection like this if I didn't sort of declare that to the universe. Like, "yes, show me how good it can get. But also like, I'm here for the experience of life and no one promised me that life would be easy.

[00:47:21] So if life is hard at times, lay it on me" like I like. "I wanna feel this, therefore I have to be willing to feel this." I hope that makes some sense, and may that be however relevant you decide it is the conversation.

[00:47:42] The third conversation that was a real key with this lovely man was about the fertility awareness method.

[00:47:51] And I've done episodes on this, depending on how long you've been following me for, been a part of the community, you'll know that, my chosen [00:48:00] method of contraception is one called the Symptothermal Method of Fertility Awareness. It involves tracking, biomarkers that determine your fertile window based on when ovulation happens in the menstrual cycle.

[00:48:16] And knowing your fertile window helps you decide when intercourse is permitted based on your desire to conceive or to not conceive. So essentially when you're using it as contraception, you are looking for the time in your cycle where you are infertile, when ovulation passed or when ovulation is too far away, that sex wouldn't result in a pregnancy.

[00:48:41] Have really good episodes on that. Also, did a really good interview on Sophie Kate's optimized podcast, really breaking down the basics of the fertility awareness method. So highly recommend you check that out. So this conversation we had in real life, so I've unfortunately I don't have any juicy quotes to read out to you.

[00:48:59] [00:49:00] Sorry about it. I think before I had the full on conversation, I had referenced that like, this is a, this is a part of my life. I don't use hormonal contraception, which based on my values and how he understood my views on health and my preference for natural and yeah, my, my value of nature,

[00:49:18] He, yeah, he was pretty clued into that. And he's just so open to learning. So, he was over here and he was like, we were just laying in the sun in the grass. And I was like, be right back. And I came out with, oh, the books are away. One of the things I came out with was this folder, this is my menstrual cycle fertility awareness folder.

[00:49:42] And I just showed him like all my old charts. I also pulled out Jesse Brenner's guidebook to natural contraception, which is like the modern version of, or my modern version [00:50:00] of,

[00:50:01] Oh, the label. I've had this for so long that the, the labels faded. I didn't even recognize it. Taking charge of your fertility. This is the book that taught me about the fertility awareness method in the first place when I was 18 years old.

[00:50:16] I'll link all the books down below. Yeah, I, I pulled these out. I was like, I probably said something stupid like, "would you like to have a sexy conversation?" And then started talking about fertility. And so I showed him like the menstrual cycle chart and I went through like each of the phases and obviously I spoke about like ovulation.

[00:50:37] I asked him like, did he know what ovulation was? He's like, like, "yeah, I've heard of it, but I don't really know." And the thing that blows everyone's mind, the thing that blows

[00:50:48] like my patients' minds, like my female patients, is that your cycle isn't just your period. Your cycle is a whole period of time, sorry to use the word period again. That's [00:51:00] confusing. Your cycle isn't just menstruation. Your cycle is a whole period of time from one bleed until the next bleed, and there is a whole hormonal cascade happening within that cycle.

[00:51:12] So. Menstruation is the period, but the cycle is the whole time from one period to the next. Right. I mean I clarify that language with I would say 80% of my clients. And which is just, yeah, really interesting. And I think is a function of the cultural taboo of like calling it a bleed, calling it a period.

[00:51:35] Like it's much more- when you say cycle, oh, oh my, oh, "she's on her, she's on her cycle" versus, and it's kind of like saying "I need to go to the toilet" versus I need to go, oh, I'm gonna use the bathroom. You know, it's this like, it's just for social appropriateness and so naturally I hate it 'cause stuff social appropriateness.

[00:51:54] Um, so yeah, it was really interesting debunking that and [00:52:00] he was just like amazed. He's like, I didn't know that all this stuff happened between like periods and. I was like, okay, so this is what a fertile window is. Fertile window is made up of how long sperm can survive in the reproductive tract, and these are the conditions that it needs.

[00:52:18] You know, my pH is gonna change to help accommodate sperm, and I'm gonna produce cervical fluid that's gonna help your sperm like travel. And the whole goal is that, you know, the sperm want to either wait out, wait for the egg to be ovulated, or they're gonna go right for the egg if it's like close enough to ovulation.

[00:52:37] I told him about the cervix and the cervical crypts and the different kinds of cervical fluid. And then I told him about progesterone and how your body after ovulation, your body goes into that kind of, purgatory state, although it's not purgatory, so that's a stupid word, but it goes into that state of like, "oh, we don't know if we conceived yet, but we hope that we conceived.

[00:52:59] So we are gonna [00:53:00] prepare for a pregnancy." And so, and progesterone is, you know, preparing your body, changing your metabolism so that it would be conducive to nourishing and sustaining a healthy pregnancy. Right? So I spoke about that and spoke about how that results in an increase in basal body temperature.

[00:53:16] And this temperature rise is trackable. And pretty much once you've had a closing off of the fertile cervical fluid, and once you've had a sustained temperature rise, ovulation will not happen again in that cycle, and sex will not result in pregnancy. And he was like, "wow, I didn't know this." And I was like, "yeah, most people don't."

[00:53:43] And the other important aspect there like. I realized that I sort of was just like coming at him with this information and being like, so this is how we're gonna do things. And then I, I, I sort of stopped myself and I was like, hang on. Like, how do you, how do [00:54:00] you believe this information? Does this make sense to you?

[00:54:03] Does it seem like I'm trying to trick you into something that doesn't work or that doesn't have like a good scientific basis? Which I feel like is a really, again, if, if you're having this kind of conversation with a, a prospective partner or a current partner, um, it's good to check in on where their trust is at because the method requires, I mean, you are in control, but the me, the method does thrive

[00:54:28] I think when there is mutual participation and when there's mutual understanding and when you both know what you're looking out for, when your partner knows that you are waiting to pass that peak day, or you're looking for that peak day of cervical fluid when your partner knows that you're waiting for three higher temperatures, over six lower temperatures to determine that ovulation has happened.

[00:54:50] It just helps. And I think I, I mean, personally, I would prefer a partner that is like hands on, curious about it, asking me questions about it. [00:55:00] And that's exactly what he did and that's exactly what his vibe is. And, and he was pretty much like, " it's a lot and I'm not sure I fully understand it yet, but I'm sure I will understand it as time goes on, as, as you go through different cycles.

[00:55:12] And also, I trust that you know what you're talking about." So having trust in the method is one thing, but then also having trust in your partner, both partners having trust in each other, uh, are sort of two really key components of trust. If you're gonna be talking about, well, oh, well, I was gonna say natural, you know, forms of contraception like this.

[00:55:34] But when you are having any kind of sex talk or contraception talk, like, there needs to be that element of trusting in the method that you're using, making sure that you're both comfortable with the method that you're using, as well as comfortable in each other's use of the method. So he has to trust my interpretations of my body signs, checking my cervical fluid, interpreting my temperatures, making sure that I'm charting everything correctly.

[00:55:59] I [00:56:00] also showed him the app that I use. I showed him the temp drop basal body thermometer that I use and like how that connects to my phone and how I, how I map out the temperatures. So he needs to trust, trust me, that I'm doing those things, that I'm checking those things. And just like for a male partner, you might need to trust that like they know how to withdraw correctly if that's something that you're gonna be relying on.

[00:56:21] You need to, in, you need to trust that they know how to use a condom correctly, if that's gonna be your, your chosen method of contraception. So it goes, it goes both ways. Yeah. And so like, yeah, keep that in mind. I think when talking about sex and talking about contraception.

[00:56:38] There is a part of me that feels like I should dim or suppress how elated I'm feeling, how much joy I'm experiencing. And I just wanna like. I wanna give space to that voice right now in real time. And, and, and that voice is also saying, you shouldn't be sharing this. People don't want to hear this. People don't care that you are [00:57:00] happy.

[00:57:00] People don't care that you're in a relationship. People are suffering. Why would people want to hear about something joyful when people are suffering? Acknowledging that that's just a voice in my head. That's just a train of thought that's happening. And to that voice, I'm gonna say that joyful living is important in all circumstances.

[00:57:19] Joyful living in times of hardship and war and global grief and collective confusion, is important. And we live on a planet where there is injustice and things aren't necessarily fair, and life can feel like it sucks at times. And like I said, no one promised that life would be easy. Joy is still important.

[00:57:48] And this joy and the happiness that I'm feeling is, and it's, it's beyond happiness. It's, it's awe and it's contentment. And it's like a sense of a resonance that I [00:58:00] have never before experienced. And I can't be bothered hiding it, and I'm not gonna hide it. And if it upsets you at first, that's okay. I only wish for you

[00:58:12] that you will experience this someday, and I fully believe that all beings are capable of this feeling of joy. Maybe it's just a muscle that we need to work out a bit more. And so this is me sharing my joy of where I'm currently at, in the spring of my fucking life, I'm about to turn 30. I'm in the southern hemisphere and it's spring right now, and I have met the man of my literal fucking dreams,

[00:58:40] when there were times where I truly believed that that was not at all possible for me, and that I would just be a lifelong celebrator of love rather than an experiencer of this kind of love. I asked the universe to show me how good it can get, and the universe showed me, and I will be forever [00:59:00] grateful.

[00:59:01] Gratitude is another amazing thing to feel alongside that joy, alongside that awe, alongside that love. And today. Just for today, I hope you experience some joy, some gratitude, some awe. And if it feels hard to do, I invite you to look for it. I invite you to challenge your lens that you're currently looking at the world through and find the joy because I promise it's there.

[00:59:32] It's always there. You just have to tap into it.

[00:59:34] Thank you for listening.

[00:59:39] If you would like to get started on your own menstrual cycle journey, as always, you can download my free cycle tracking guide. The link for that is in the description wherever you are listening to this. It's free. It's a 28 page digital guide. It goes through the basics of the menstrual cycle, what to track to understand where [01:00:00] you're at, and to understand what your hormones are doing so you can start that journey or deepen that journey of cyclical living so that you can feel better in your life, so that you can have a better life. By downloading that guide,

[01:00:16] or also there's a separate link in the description. You can also join the Free Karinda's Corner community. This is a community, a digital space, where I will share my fortnightly ish, kind of becoming weekly ish, musings about everything. My most recent email, for example, was all about my journey with sugar addiction.

[01:00:37] And the next email is gonna be about practical naturopathic tips to help with emotional eating, to help with insulin sensitivity, to help with supporting your metabolism and blood sugar balance. If sugar addiction and emotional eating is something that you also relate to, you know, and that's just one exa, I talk about everything.

[01:00:58] It's a lot about hormones, it's a lot about menstrual [01:01:00] cycles. It's a lot about, it's gonna be a lot about love and probably sex and libido, and if it can relate to the human female experience, I'm probably gonna talk about it. So there's that. So you can connect with me in those ways. As I said from the start, if anything in this episode resonated with you.

[01:01:19] If you enjoyed listening to me, if you have a request of something you'd like to hear me blab on about, please email me hello@corindaholistics.com au. Or you can find me on Instagram, although I'm making a concerted effort to not be there as much. So messages may be, um, you may get a slow reply if you message me there, uh, but at corinda holistics let me know.

[01:01:46] Let me know how this lands for you. Let me know about your own experiences. Let me know about the conversations you are having with your partners and friends and lovers and family members about your menstrual cycle. Let me know what you're practicing. [01:02:00] Yeah. Alright.

[01:02:02] I'm gonna stop myself there because I'm approaching ovulation and I could talk for hours. Take care, lots of love. I'll catch you in the next one.